A Raunchy and Saucy Tale of Romance
by crossed-lace
Summary: A crack pairing created via the pairing generator, a Bro and Eridan kismesis.  A forbidden love. An intense encounter. An angry Mom!Karkat. What will the two lovers do?


The cool waves crashed ironically upon the beach, slowly washing away the individual grains of sand of time. A young boy watches. Ironically.  
>A young hoe watches. Lustfully.<br>Then the hoe rose out of the water on his majestic motherly male seahorse steed.  
>"Come wwith me boy." whispered the alien fish hoe with the hipster getup, his scarf flapping in the winds of change.<br>Desu sparkles glittered from his eyes and glinted off of the young boy's sunglasses. Sunglasses with edges so sharp they could pierce the sunlight they deflect. A shirt filled with ironic symbolism lies strewn on the sands, leaving the bare chest of the boy to glisten in the evening dew. His lips parted slowly and he replied:  
>"no fuck off."<br>The water parted and the fish hoe dismounted his steed and strode through the water tunnel, his cape the only clothing touching the lower half of his body. He found a conveniently placed rock and posed a foot upon it, displaying his goods to the young boy.  
>"Take a look. This is wwhat you don't havve. You are jealous." he shouted into the harsh ocean breeze. The boy on the beach racked through his brain and found a single solution. He stripped all of his clothing off and a flash so blinding it reached the furthest ring sparkled off of his pubic hair.<br>The sea creature strode up to the boy on the shore, flipping his long and colorful locks over his shoulder. "Nothing you can do can make me jealous puny human. Wwe trolls are alwways superior in evvery wway..." he looked down "Very superior."  
>the human boy was all "I will be the seme to your uke. They don't call me desu strider for nothing. "The alien boy was all " I aint happy with yo propositions, i might just havve to assert myself as the dominant position."<br>He showed he was dominant by howling into the air and pushing the boy's head down to the ground.  
>"You wwill submit to your highblood." their naked bodies pushed against one another as the alien boy made the landdweller submit, shoving his face in the cool, white sand. It filled his mouth. The sand of course. The sand filled his mouth. The sand standing for the deep and eternal rock of lovers, being pummeled into microscopic grains by the harsh waves of sexy sex.<br>Bros glare was so heated the sand around his eyes turned into glass and formed a new pair of glasses. He offered them to the seadweller and said "Put these on dude they will improve your vision and your looks you hipster douche."  
>The alien boy looks at the glasses being offered to him by the lowblood. "Don't take this as a wway of saying you are better than me or anything, I just wwant to try new things. I alwways wwant to try new things. Wwith neww people. Always."<br>He grudgingly took the glasses and put them on, temporarily revealing his super purple bishie eyes to the soft glow of sunset on the beach.  
>"Howw is this?" he turns to the boy, observing his naked body through his new viewport.<br>"You almost look like my brobot clones and that's sexy and a turn on" bro declared.  
>He shed another layer of clothing no one realized he was wearing. Take this as an opportunity to imagine a young, naked bro even more...<br>Okay.  
>Wait not enough...<br>Imagine it, the imagery I can tell you...  
>Let me walk you through the body of bro strider.<br>Windswept, beach blonde hair swept away from his face is graced by a glistening pair of triangular shades. Muscular shoulders lead to perfectly sculpted biceps and like a twenty pack of brilliant abs below a perfectly slim waistline leads to...  
>Wait you can't see that it's still blinding in the magnificent light of bros pubic hair. Also you can kind of see long muscular yet perfectly shaped long beautiful legs. And you can totally tell that if he turned around he would have the nicest ass in the entire entire universe. The duo of buns is strong and thick as steel. They are also plump and round but you can tell they are tough. But they are baby soft and smooth.<br>Eridan looks pretty okay but no one cares about him, your reading this because of bro and you know it.  
>Okay, just kidding Eridan is a sexy motherfucker and everyone knows that.<br>You're all here for Eridan fanservice.  
>But that's for later...<br>The boy stared into the deep depths of the dark shades that hid lusting brilliance. "Let me put on some mood music." he said "I know some sick beats"  
>the next thing the sea dweller knew, the words of true romance pulsed through the air:<p>

Pon pon wei wei wei pon pon wei pon wei pon pon

"Wwhat is this extremely arousing music. I lovve it. Now let's have sexy sex."  
>They both slowly close in onto each other, the rest of the world slowly fades away to a black glittery repeating spade patterned background, to show that this is a kismesis relationship going on. They both slowly parted their lips and reached out to hold each other tight in a lovers embrace. They could feel each other's breath caressing their skin cells.<br>Eridan was slowly going to make the first move, and when I say that, i mean suddenly invade all of bro's personal space and ruin this climatic buildup, but something disrupted the climatic buildup first.  
>Suddenly the back screen door slams open, a mother wearing a short dress and apron steps out with an enraged look on his face. He takes a gargantuan inhale as he prepares to call for his emo hipster son, who in one of his daily fits absconded from the house to play in the pond in the backyard.<br>Instead the look of anger twists into disbelief as he sees two naked boys on his back porch, one being his son and the other being the son of the rapist that lives down the lane. Their moist and toned bodies are pressed up against one another and he realizes he has burst into the back yard at a pristine and climactic moment.  
>"eridan, what the ever loving fuck you unwitting douchbag of a son get your naked ass in here or gog damnit i swear i will go out there and whip your grey ass all the way to the faygo factory for a summer of labored learning underneath some sweaty mexicans. And you can interpret that however you want you sick fuck of a son. Now get inside i made fish sticks for dinner."<br>The door slammed behind the man in the apron and Eridan gazed back up longingly into bro strider's eyes.  
>A single tear shed down a horny cheek.<br>The end.


End file.
